the blog of mine is getting way too rusty man. din update for more than two months le i think. lol. many things had happened within these few months. somehow feel like crying thinking about them. from enemy, we became close friends and then couple.. and then.. we parted. in relationships, too hot headed and stubborn was i. i wished that none of us was hurt less did i wanted to be seen as the third party. if only time could turn back.. but time could nv be turned back so what is left can only be regret.
to her: sorry to u for my existence but i didn't did it on purpose. hope u're doing fine with ur new guy now.
to him: im glad for all the fun and laughter u brought to me, u were the one who made me let go of the past n him without even turning back. i cried and i regretted to have let you go but i know this choice that ive made is the best of all. whatever if u get to read this or not but i jus hope to let u know that i jus cant be the perfect lil girl that u and ur sis always wanted me to do. i'm me and i can never be perfect. =)
thanks to my frens who had encouraged me all along the way. think ive been kinda under depression for these two years because of him n him but no worries cus i've really moved on now.
and pls ppl, do tell me off the next time i mood swing again cus you know it's not too good for health ya. lol. if anybody wan to take over my position of mood swing queen do jus take it. haha. and anybody feel bored de feel free to call me ar, i v free one. lol. anybody want go malaysia shop play eat call me hor. lol.
poly entry result is out le. im going to tp. heard many going to np. congrats to everyone. =)
thats all for today bah. think tml then updated again. haha.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JUNWEI THE LA BI XIAO XIN AKA STICKY GLUE !!
N ..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WEE LEE PAPA IN ADVANCE !! =)
and o ya, this is the last part of the fanfic. really worth reading. do read if u happened to pass by.
` ` `
This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General
Hospital. It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and
arranged.
But I don't like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she
was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.
Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white
pillow.
Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the
medicine. And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her
face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.
Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I've ever
seen.
Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what's that in
her dream?
McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6?
The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.
I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under
the shadow of a patient's room.
But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light
rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were
wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.
I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long
time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled....
"Slorr, you are here!"
"Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?"
"Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."
SKY VERY CHIO...
I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our
AJCRR meetings."
But she didn't realize that it's raining today.
"Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."
Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due
to the several hours of standing.
"Slorr, you lost weight."
ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?
"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's why
patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite
ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you.."
"Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"
WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me!
Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually.
Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those
questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines
like what÷Õ in the case of a movie.
But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...
Movies are fiction.
Life isn't.
-=~@~=-
I just wished that she could leave this place as soon as possible back
to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged. And I promised
she won÷Ö be alone anymore, because I will always be there.
After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50,
slightly overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind
me of FlyNDance.
"Err, I think i've gotta go now. Bye bye auntie."
"You....You..."
She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous
shock.
"I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until you
leave this place..."
Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that
Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time,
that she can even swim in it.
I try not to close my eyes that night, I want to go to her as soon as
the first sun ray shoots into my room....
"Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time..."
"Had a good night's rest?..."
"Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I know
you won't wake me up when your here."
"Then you should take a rest now."
"Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."
I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the
rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged.
I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her
face.
It was only last night before I leave SGH that I found out she's
suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS. What the clergymen would term
the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...
But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around
freely not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale
complexion. Moreover, what÷Õ a butterfly if it can't fly?
"Slorr, why are you looking at me and not talking?"
I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically. I
had a bad feeling about this.
"Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"
I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about
this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend
who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet
when he came back... never to wake up again...
"Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?"
"Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."
MOVIE? LIFE?....
"But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for
you?"
"Ultimate Ice Blended!!"
This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean
everywhere on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable
for her at that time.
"Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?
"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should cut
down on your intake also, ok?"
I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized
that she÷Õ just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the
future.
My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow.
This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this
is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in
front of her.
I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook.
Quickly applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets.
"Ok, I promise, I'll try my best."
"And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast..."
"It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes
you look troubled and....."
This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before
she. I can't bear to let her continue.
"Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink right away."
"Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want it
anymore."
From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would
take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus
the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1
minutes. Not very far.
"Quite near."
"Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long... I
hate that feeling."
I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....
*************************
*************************
"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging at me
again.
"Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."
Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths.
I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA
which was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2
nicks inside, for 10 minutes.
Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but I
still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.
Even Tye has given up on me...
"She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"
Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the
corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being
alone.
I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day. When I reached
SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly flew away from her room at
around 1 am last night....
After that... I can't remember...
I just knew that I stood at the bus-stop for a whole day and I was all
wet because of the rain. Even my face.
I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've
been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I
breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't
green; the stars do not twinkle at night...
Basically, I was hoping for something impossible to happen. I can't
believe that I am of Type 2, even in real life.
Did I cry?.. NO WAY!..
I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to
the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions. Whenever I had
the feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention
will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...
So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths
ago.
Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me.
But I֯e stopped taking coffee and beer.
"Xing ah, is this for you?"
My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning.
I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.
That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing
inside, and another coffee envelope.
Slorr,
I am FlyNDance's sister, I think this is how you are addressing her. I
am sorry that I do not know your real name, although we'd met before.
When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with
your name and address already written on it.
So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister
intended to do.
Best wishes,
Xiao Wen
The letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another:
'To:slorr...'
Followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope. But this
handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving
swiftly...like in a joyful dance.
I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address. Did I
give her in one of my mails?
I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the
envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside.
Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE
VITA smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland,
wearing the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.
Something was written at the back of it....
Dear slorr,
Coffee represents Pisces.. that's me. Blue represents Sagitarius..
that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope.... know what I mean?
Seeing me, do you feel like drinking coffee now? Stop drooling! :P
FlyNDance
I smiled.... bitterly. The contents of the blue letter is simple:
If I have one more day to live, I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have
one more day? No. Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend... not in this
life.
If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you.
Do I have wings? No. Sadly. I can never see you again.
If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put
off the flame of love btw us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn
off? Can.
So yes. I LOVE YOU.
FlyNDance
My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a
long time go in a jiffy.
As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness
that÷Õ on the whole of my face anymore.
She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her...
tears for 2 months....
-=~@~=-
Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar, including best picture.
Yet, Rose wasn't the best actress under that category. So if it's sad
in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. And in reality,
should Jack hold on to Rose and 'Never let go?'
Maybe he shouldn't be worried about this. 'Cos that beautiful coffee
butterfly will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...'
