i lost a good friend.
and he made a comment on why it was my fault the other time round with someone else.
he said the right thing for that, i do stupid things out of anger and here, i admit my mistakes.
i spurt out vulgarities, i spoke harsh remarks - out of anger.
i dont agree with my own actions too, but i really had enough.
please, have you ever spare a single thought for me?
you said that's what friends are for, yea, friends are to help each other out, didn't i?
i dont deny that you've helped me all along too, but why pull me into your relationship problems?
i can help by hearing you out, i can help by taking care of her, but no, dont ask me to be the middle person, have you thought of how i'll feel?
okay, i am selfish, and i am envy, for the day when i'll be alone, you handed me a mission.
and on special occasions, that's when the tasks come.
it's your relationship, not mine, i can only help this far, i'm not the one who's in love with her.
why should i be the one doing those stuff and having those responsibities?
there are things you want her to know but you want fate to decide. my name is not fate, i cant help you decide.
i am so envy of my own friends, for she have you who does everything sweet for her, while i have nobody doing anything for me. sour grapes, i am, not god, i can lie to myself to be happy for you guys, but deep inside it only reminds me how pathetic i feel.
i was here, cracking my brain for designs, it's not for the money but for support i wish i can give to you guys.
do you know?
i bet you dont.
pisces are selfish, all that we care is for ourselves and loved ones only, isn't it?
i hate the me who is always pretending, for i dont want to hurt anyone, but tonight, i just want to be selfish, i just want my thoughts known.
TO ALL,
i am selfish and i am envy of you guys.
i can listen, but there's a limit i can and willing to help, i'll never want to commit the same mistakes i made for jocelyn and hongwei, nor do i have the energy to offer my hands always, i am too, trapped.
love one, tell them.
dont hestiate.
dont love one, break it to them.
dont drag on and on and break all hearts.
i am always the awaiting, that's why i understand the feeling, sense of lost and pain.
but the awaited, like him, you've never turned back and offer an definite answer.
it is always hard to break the news, but the longer it drags, the more pain it causes.
and to the awaiting like me, know the time to let go, dont hang on like idiots when we jolly well know they dont give a fucking care.
we are just cheating ownselves.
to him, for those stupid acts i did out of spite, i apologise sincerely.
感情不是你对他好他就会爱你。
this fact is a harsh one, and painful it is, but still, i'll learn to accept.
someone told me this, true love is a two-way street — the other person feels the same way about you as you feel about them.
this feeling i have for you, isn't true love, for you, don't feel the same way as i do.
remember initial-d, the first time you offered your arm,
remember march days, the donald duck, the matches,
remember 17 july, when you ignited my feeling,
remember 10 sep, the cake on your face,
remember 25 sep, when you said you'll try.
remember me, that once, i appeared.
i am just a nobody to you, when i see you as my somebody.
i am disappointed, torn and frustrated with the world and myself.
this world is selfish.
yao fang qi le, xi wang wo zuo de dao.
